Giddiness

School is about to start. Oh my gosh I feel giddy just saying it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids. As a mama who has homeschooled a couple for 12 years (and counting), I do not mind spending time with my kids. I really really enjoy my kids, but I am becoming a terrible parent.

It just that  .  . . how do I say this . . . I really need to go "potty." I need 5 uninterrupted minutes of complete privacy in my day. Seriously people I am losing  my mind. 

I am out of ideas too. It's been a really hot month and sending the kids outside is akin to child abuse. So most of the day we entertain them indoors. I can not think of anything else to do. No kidding.

I cannot swim one more time in the neighborhood pool which --because it is so blasted hot out -- is roughly the temperature of pee.  It's super creepy. And it's not refreshing. And also - yes I'm venting -- I cannot bear hearing 50 kids yelling, "Look at me, Mom" any more.  And weirdly it's my kids saying it that bugs me the most.  We ARE LOOKING at you! TRUST ME! That's why you're not drowning, you crazy nut. Why do you think I keep saying, "Walking please," "No diving, jumping only,'' "Don't hold your brother's head underwater, sweetie," etc.?  It's because I'm LOOKING at you.  Seriously.

I cannot paint anymore. I hid all the paints and claimed we ran out. Ditto the scissors.  I cannot make any more "healthy" dips to entice them to eat healthy food. Yesterday I whipped up a batch of "cake dip," threw the animal crackers on the table and told them to "have at it." It may or may not have been breakfast time. I plead the fifth.

Our reading lessons have fallen by the wayside because, frankly, I have lost my patience. By the time I get to the third child who cannot remember what sound "t" makes, instead of patiently making the sound, I dramatically throw down the book and begin crying.  No, I don't really do that. But I really, really want to. I suspect they sense my impatience. That may be why The Blitz when he hears "reading time" starts yelling, "I don't want to be third, I don't want to be third." Lucky for him neither of his older siblings know what "third" means.

Yesterday Sunshine had to watch them all day because I did not have child care set up and I had to work.  Since she spends so much time in the hot sun playing softball I decided to offer her a reprieve and told her to let them stay in all day and rot their minds with television. One day won't kill off too many brain cells, right?  So when I finally got home after taking Tink to "meet the teacher" and then an emergency trip to Sam's for TP and 90 pounds of fruit, the boys begged me to finish watching the movie with them. I mumbled something about laundry and ran off, fast.

I cannot watch one more Disney movie.  No I am not exaggerating. I did not know I could be such a cynic. I am starting to criticize the heroes and heroines. What is up with Ariel's hair? I know she lives underwater and all but she really needs a new hairdresser.  What's up with Buzz Lightyear?  How dumb can an astronaut actually be? Everyone knows dummies don't make it through the Air Force Academy and into NASA. The way the prince in Aladdin begins the movie with racial slurs about the barbarism of his own homeland. My new favorite artist is Jon Cozart because of his portrayal of Disney Princesses. Yes, I have watched way too many movies this summer.  I also cannot eat any more popcorn. I think I have scraped my insides clean.

So I'm giddy. Giddy with joy and excitement. I have sold out folks. My only goal now is to potty in private and have the floor clean for one hour.  I'm not at all phased by having 4 kids in three different schools. That has to be easy compared to summer. I do not care that I have so far plunked down $150 for uniforms and $120 for supplies (and know I'm not done yet).  Worth  . . . every . . . penny.

 Tinker starts school Monday - kindergarten already.  Tater starts school on the 19th. She's excited for a senior year in "real" school. Gateway is thrilled to have her back.  The Blitz goes to Pre-K and The Captain back to Kinder on the 26th.  Sunshine will not start homeschooling 10th grade until September 6. We're going to soak in the quiet for a couple of weeks first.

And then, I'll probably cry. 

Training Kids to Eat

People frequently comment on how well my children eat.  They love healthy foods.  I am convinced that almost any child can be trained to eat well.

I know there are plenty of naysayers out there.  You don't have to defend yourself to me!  This is for those who are unhappy with what their kids will eat.  I can tell you that not only has this worked on my 5 kids who don't have my genetic preferences-- including one child with sensory integration disorder and two kids trained in early eating by others-- but also with  two little boys I babysat and two originally picky foster kids.

I once read that a child  has to see a food 20 times to eat it.  I followed this advice with our oldest and every child who has crossed my threshold since.  I don't have to threaten or cajole them into eating it;  a dozen or 20 times after it shows up on their plate, they do eat it!  It's miraculous. The key is, don't say anything at all about it unless they ask you a direct question.  In that case, answer the question in a straightforward, non-emotional way:  "Those are peas, darling."  "Spinach is green because of photosynthesis."

Here are few things that have worked in our household:

• The real trick is to plate small portions.  I don't make them eat new foods and I don't make them eat everything.  If I've done a good job, they are asking for more;  otherwise, plate less next time.
• I let my kids stop eating when they're full.  A little of each thing is enough for dessert.  New foods have to be touched.  That said, if it's a food I know they eat -- like green beans -- they have to eat it to get dessert. 
• Consult a chart of "proper" serving sizes for kids of various ages and only put that much on their plate.  For example, a serving of brown rice for a two-year-old is 1/4 cup, so that's all I plate.  If they want more later, they can certainly have it!
• With a new or disliked food, plate only a tiny bit, like three peas or a teaspoon of spinach.
• That new food needs to show up every day or even twice a day in order to get them used to seeing it.
  
• Consistency is key;  if you want them to eat whole grains, you must stop buying and preparing "white" foods. Whole grains have a nutty flavor and their palates have to become accustomed to it.
• Try replacing 1/4 to 1/3 of the flour in any recipe with whole wheat flour.  At first, you may want to replace only 1/8th until your family stops noticing; then work your way up.
• The Thank You Bite.  This brilliant idea came from my niece, Lisa.  Even if you don't like something, you take a thank you bite.  A single bite.  I don't use this at home unless we have company, but my kids know it is the rule in restaurants and other people's homes.
• Check for food allergies; very young children often eschew foods that they cannot tolerate or to which they are allergic.
  
• Sometimes you can trick kids into trying foods by not plating them.  When the child questions why they didn't get it, we say mysteriously, "Oh, this is grown up food.  We're pretty sure you're not old enough to eat it yet."  This is how cherry tomatoes became a 3-year-old foster child's favorite food.  You can't overuse this ploy, of course, but it is very tempting to kids of most ages!
• Make sure to introduce new or disliked foods with other familiar (but not favorite) foods.  If the new food is a main dish (like veggie lasagna) make sure the next meal has a familiar, accepted main dish.
  
• Take the sweets out of snack time.   A litany of sweet snacks just encourages kids to eat lightly at meals and hold out for the next snack.  Yogurt,  fruit, a boiled egg or cheese and crackers all make fine and filling snacks.
• Take them shopping.  Let them pick out a fruit and a vegetable and serve them both as soon as possible.  It's irresistible.