Life Lessons

 The past few weeks have been a roil of emotions for me. I've flip-flopped between being stuck in the blues and then popping out into manic mama "have to fix it" modality. All of this has been an amazing lesson in resilience and patience. One of my mentors, Charles Thompson, said that every moment, life graciously gives us exactly what we need. Bullseye. 

We are waiting on a report to be written. This report will determine the type and level of help that The Captain will receive for his next steps. He is being super patient waiting for this report and somehow maintaining his mental clarity. I'm not doing as well. I am constantly worrying about him, having nightmares, not sleeping . . . the whole gambit. I worry that he will believe we don't love him and are punishing him for his addiction. He's a kid. Kids blame themselves for everything and almost nothing is actually their fault. I worry that he is losing hope and believing himself unloved. It's all really complicated.

In the meantime, I get life lessons! Yay! Yet that is what we get, right? Just as my mentor said. 

Years ago, I read that we can stress-proof our lives by learning to "sit" in the discomforts of life without having to fix them. Hooyboy, am I ever stress-proofing my future these days. I think that is the entire description of raising a teenager! So much happens to, around and about them that you can only watch and not fix; it's mind boggling. There is a world of things we want to insulate and protect them from and it's simply not possible. 

For me then, the hope lies in connection. Saturday, I went to see this sweet child and I went with the intention to have a deep connection with him. I did not have a plan for how to make this connection, just an intention to be open and forthcoming and to connect on a

deep level. We somehow started talking about when I first met him. I don't even know how that conversation started but it was GREAT because I don't think he's ever asked about it. I got to describe our first meeting which he does not remember as he was non-verbal at the time. Then I was talking about when we used to go to attachment therapy with Ms. Pat and he remembered things about it I did NOT remember until he mentioned them! That was thrilling to me because he was only 3 years old at the time. We had such a sweet and connecting conversation. I hope that when I walked away, he remembered that he was truly loved and wanted and treasured. 

All of this has reminded me that in this world of Insta-Everything, we do not do too much real

connecting. We text instead of call. We leave pics on Instagram instead of writing letters. Remember letters?  These things are not all bad, not at all, but we have lost some things too. I am resolving to make some phone calls to connect, and to write some letters to some people that I want to uplift, 

Apparently, since I still don't know anything about The Captain's future, I am also going to keep stress-proofing my life a little longer. I'll keep you posted. Let me know what life lessons you're learning lately!